I didn't shave. On purpose
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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