I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
