saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
