If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
