Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You ruined the universe
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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