if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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