I could have mohawked her pubes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
