I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
