it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
