she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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