His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
