Your tits are I can't wait for
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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