No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
