just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
