What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
