OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
