i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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