put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
