i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
