"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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