He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
