So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
