Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
