Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
