he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
