highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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