does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm at about main and main street
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
