what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
