The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
