Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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