I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
