Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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