Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
