Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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