i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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