you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got so high we made milksteak
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
