I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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