I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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