I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
