So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
