What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
