Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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