My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
