This girl is more easily done than said...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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