the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
