If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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