I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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