Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
