i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
