Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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