is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
