It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
