I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
