Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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