my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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