I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
