My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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