He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
