I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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