Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
