you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
