Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
