Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
