I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize