Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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