so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize