I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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