Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
