Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You dont lie about slip and slides
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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