The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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