We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
