Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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