no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
