I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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