If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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