I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
