Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
