how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have fence marks all over my body
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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