My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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