Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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