Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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