am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
