I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
