what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
