I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
