can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
