come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
